Seasons of Change Blog

The Birth of a Hummingbird

I just received this link to a series of pictures that chronicles the birth of a hummingbird...from egg to leaving the nest.

Exquisite close up pictures of something most of us will never see. Treat yourself to a front row site to this miracle at the hummingbird site.

At the bottom of each page click "next page" for additional pictures. In the last series of pictures you'll see a toothpick and a penny in the nest so you can get a feel for how small these creatures really are.

Amazing!

The Other Kind of Productivity

Most of us are driven to be productive. We want to accomplish what we can each day. We feel good when our work results in something visible or tangible. Our society rewards productive behavior.

When we go through a major transition our world shifts and we are thrown into a quagmire of mixed messages and expectations:

• One part demands that we continue to be productive. We fear that more will befall us if we don't keep up at work or in the family. Sometimes we even think that engaging in productive work will get us through a crisis.
• Another part wants to STOP. We want to have time alone to think, grieve, and rest.

In our clearer moments during the transition we realize that we aren't functioning as clearly as usual. In our stubborn moments, we hold on as tightly as we can to anything that's normal and gives us the feeling of being productive and valued by those around us.

What's unclear in our society is that stopping during times of transition is THE MOST productive thing we can do. Stopping allows us to heal, to think, to rejuvenate ourselves, to reflect, to ponder, to be creative, to dream, to rest, and to rediscover our inner truths. The time we spend coming to terms with the changes in our lives allow us to begin anew when the time is right.

What I've come to know, through my own experience and the experiences of my clients, is that there are two kinds of productivity. The first is the productivity we are wired to strive for -- an active, out-in-the-world productivity that produces visible results. This productivity is the currency of Spring, Summer, and Fall when one is living life out in the world.

The other productivity is different and comes in the form of insights, discoveries, and clarity. The outcomes of this kind of productivity can not be seen, they can only be felt. Often the only person aware of the progress is the one experiencing the shifts within. To the outer world it looks as though nothing is happening (a very frustrating outcome for those who measure everything by external results.) This kind of productivity is the currency of Winter when one is focused within.

When you are in the midst of a major life transition, honor yourself enough to step into a reflective place. Allow yourself to switch over from active productivity to the reflective productivity. In the long run you'll be amazed at how much you leap forward when you are ready to move into Spring.

(For an overview of The Seasons of Change, visit The Seasons of Change website)

Amnesia Strikes Bridegroom

On Primetime Live Friday night I watched an astounding story about a bridegroom who disappeared as he and his wife were getting ready to board a plane for their Italian honeymoon. Several elements of the story bring interesting transitions to light.

Here's the background: Several years ago a bride and groom got married. The wedding went well and the bride and groom were happy and excited to begin their new life together. Tragically, one of the groomsmen was involved in a near fatal accident on the way home from the wedding. At the urging of their families, they decided to carry on with their honeymoon plans even their their friend was in a coma.

As they checked in for their flight, the groom realized he'd forgotten his wallet. He left his wife with all their luggage and ran out to the car to get his wallet. He never returned. Nearly two hours later, the bride was frantic and called authorities. There were no clues to his disappearance. Did he run away? Was he abducted? No one knew.

The transitions in action:

• A wedding is a transition in and of itself. Typically a good transition, it signals the beginning of a new life for a couple. As with any transition, there's a time of adjustment before life feels "normal" again. Often we forget that "good" transitions require this adjustment time.
• When a friend experiences a traumatic transition (as with the accident in this situation), those who love him also experience the transition. Depending on the severity of the transition and the relationship between those involved, the impact of such a transition on the loved ones can be momentous.
• When a spouse disappears under mysterious circumstances, there's no warning. The transition hits and there's no escaping it. Imagine all the things that went through the bride's mind when her new husband disappeared!

Now back to the story:

Several days later police found him...he had no memory of who he was. None. He didn't even recognize his mother or his wife. Truth be told, he didn't even know what "mother" or "wife" meant. He didn't remember food, music, anything. Doctors agreed he had amnesia, but they didn't know what had caused it.

Family and friends tried to bring his memories back by showing him pictures, telling him stories, and spending time with him. Nothing helped. He was living with a stranger who was supposedly his wife, but he had no feelings for her. It was as though there was a veil between him and those who knew him before. He couldn't connect. He couldn't really feel anything.

The transitions in action:

• Most transitions pale in comparison to what this young man experienced. He was shut down from within at an extreme level. Understanding what had happened was only part of the story. Figuring out how to make sense of the life in front of him was another daunting task.
• The wife's experience was equally as traumatic. She did have the memories of their six year relationship, but she had no way to communicate that connection with her husband. She had agreed to love him "for better or for worse" but she had no way to know if things would change or if she's always be in this shell of a marriage.

On the anniversary of his wedding and his friend's accident and the night before they were to leave on their honeymoon, the husband got out of a shower and saw a picture of himself and his wife. All the memories that had been hidden and inaccessible came tumbling out all at once. He knew once again who he was, who his wife was, and everything up to the point where he left her with the luggage. They continue to rebuild their relationship and are leaving for their honeymoon soon.

• Having all the memories come back must have been just as big a shock as losing them! Imagine getting into the shower not remembering who you were and by the time you were drying yourself off you knew everything again!
• A significant key to this story, for me, is the fact that his memories came back ON the anniversary of his friend's car accident. From research I've done in the literature, I know anniversary dates are powerful catalysts. Freud was the first to discovery/notice the anniversary reaction. I've seen anniversaries in action within my own life and they never cease to amaze me. I'll write more about anniversaries as time goes on.

Dateline put the couple in touch with a specialist in amnesia who determined that he had dis-associative amnesia. Meaning that in response to a traumatic event (his friend's accident) he'd disassociated himself from all memory. One of the body's mechanisms for protecting itself.